July 8, 2015
A few months have passed since graduation, and I’ve found it discouragingly difficult to land a job in my desired field. Just when it seems that my writing and credentials have opened the door to my dream job, the subsequent interview ends up slamming said door right in my face.
I find it somewhat difficult to speak in situations where I must be judged. I get all tongue-tied, filling empty speech bubbles with coughs and ums. A film of sweat covers my body (mostly my face and chest area). Perhaps interviewers notice this, or perhaps they conclude that I don’t do well under pressure. I would have to disagree with the latter, but how can I expect them to think otherwise after I’ve portrayed myself in such a way?
As some writers will tell you, we’re much better at getting our thoughts out in writing. And writing gives me the option of editing–correcting errors, clearing up obscurities, and filling in anything and everything I forget in the first draft. Ever wake up in the middle of the night and remember something you could’ve and should’ve said during a conversation that took place days, months, even years ago? Yeah, that’s me. Sure, I’m the creative type, can think on my feet, and when pressed for time and ideas, I’m quite resourceful. But that just doesn’t seem to be the case during an interview. And as mentioned in a previous post, life has no backspace.
Half my life is an act of revision.
– John Irving
What matters is how we project ourselves upon meeting people. First impressions, right?
You ever meet the kind of person that sticks to herself? You see her out and about quite often, but she has bouts of slipping back into her cave of seclusion? She’s the artsy type and believes that less is more, especially where speech is concerned. Quality over quantity, she says. She’s got her head in the clouds, always embarking on the wildest of adventures in her mind, but when she’s finally joined you back on Earth, she’s a pretty damn good listener and advice-giver (or so she’s been told). She does not fear rejection so much as she fears wasting her time, being misunderstood. Portraying herself in a way that does not express who she truly is.
I’ve known her for the past 24 years, and at this point I’m convinced she’s here to stay.
And so I have a choice. Either mold myself into something more appealing to the masses or wait patiently for someone or something to put their faith in me. To trust that eventually, that introverted shell will crack open to reveal the colorful ideas, queries, images, and mysteries that lie within. To allow me to prove myself. By good fortune, I’ve had a few prospects approach me before I even got a chance to extend a friendly hello. Being authentic has proven to be a magnetic quality once again!
But of course, stagnancy does not produce results. Action, persistence, and faith help us achieve our goals, whatever they may be. I remind myself daily that some things don’t work out so that greater things will. That, and I never did give up too easily. Now, I’d like to reintroduce myself…
Hello, I’m Shana. And if given the chance, I’d love to share my insides with you.
© Scappiamo, 2015